I was absolutely fascinated by the topic of his most recent book called “The Kindness Habit
” where he and his coauthor talk about how to transform our relationship to addictive behaviors.
And we’re not just talking about substance addiction here. In fact, Christopher says we all have addictive behaviors in some way -maybe its with our phone, the internet, shopping, social media, food, emotional behaviors, love, sex, or addiction in our relationships.
Christopher calls these things “false friends” or a false refuge - a place we go to get temporary relief from discomfort and to avoid what we’re feeling. So how do we transform our relationship with these self-abusive habits, connect to ourselves and find lasting inner strength?
In the book he says:
“An important first step in this process is to recognize that your ‘thing’ has served a useful purpose. It has been part of how you protect yourself, what you do to soothe, and quieten some inner turmoil. A place to go to find some peace, without which you would not function well on a day-to-day basis. Like a friend. Your ‘thing’ has become like a friend. A place of refuge.”
-The Kindness Habit